Then a whole day. But that doesn’t mean I’ve gotten over the previous FP, even if I cut them out of my life permanently. You can’t force yourself to be someone’s FP and it takes a lot for someone to suddenly stop seeing you as their FP. Try something new. Think about what experiences and lessons you have learned from that person. It’s not really your choice. Then 30 minutes. I met my first favorite person when I was in junior high. I didn’t have enough confidence in myself to deal with things without her constant contact. As long as she cared about me, there was a point to my life. Recently, I’ve been stuck without an FP, but I’ve also been an FP which is a weird sensation for someone with BPD. I apologized, but she didn’t reply. For two main reasons. One of the people I ask if they are mad at me all the time gets super frustrated, but I can’t tell. I was constantly in fear of her leaving me and saw evidence in every tiny thing. I immediately devalue the favorite person that left me, and put my new favorite person on a pedestal. Privacy I didn’t want that to happen with anyone else, so I had to make the effort to try and recover from my illnesses. Sarah and I had a very intense and relatively short friendship, but she became my FP very quickly. 4. But, as much as the person who has the mental illness matters, so do you. All our conversations in person, in text and in emails revolved around my problems. A couple of weeks went by and then I ended up sending her a drunken text about how much I loved her and was sorry. Why would a person with Borderline Personality Disorder need to get over their favorite person? So if they (or you) choose to end the relationship, you need to establish no contact and some firm boundaries. It takes up every cell of our being and it’s impossible to do anything else but that. (Eh hem… don’t randomly walk by their place of employment). I told her I agreed, but I was terrified at the thought of it. So surely this must have made me a lot worse? When the darker days come, you need to keep coping. What this means is that you will not progressively just get better. My desperate attempts to stop her leaving had driven her away. You might have a good day, only to have a shit day tomorrow because you saw someone eat a banana split and your favorite person loves banana split. And then I immediately told someone. This is where you step in. But the good days do come. I was in pieces. How could anyone show they cared more than telling me I needed to be in hospital? Because you are more resilient than you think you are. I knew she didn’t like talking about herself, so we both had reason to focus on me. Chances are, you aren’t going to know you are an FP by the person telling you, You’ll instead know by their actions. And I struggled massively. In fact, the opposite had happened. Privacy By refusing to try and get better so I didn’t lose Sarah, I had lost her. When you are in a better state of mind, you will move on. I had nothing to say and was quiet. Take one glance across BPD forums and you will find countless posts devoted to the favorite person, also known as the ‘FP.’. I couldn’t believe a friend could care for me that much. I’d ask how she was and she would always say, “Fine.” I knew that wasn’t really the truth but I didn’t question her because I wanted to talk about myself. You can’t force it. I would do risky things and tell a mutual friend, hoping Sarah would find out and feel bad and come back to me. This takes time… you can’t rush it. At the end of the day, the most important person to you is. You’ll have a day where you go 5 minutes without thinking about your former FP. I know you are all not qualified to say if something is a bpd symptom but maybe someone has bpd and knows this is caused because of their bpd, if you know what I mean? 2020 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Like many other people with borderline personality disorder (BPD), I had a “favorite person” or “FP.” This is used in the BPD community to refer to the person your emotions become dependent upon. Oops! As soon as Sarah stopped replying to my messages, I would become convinced she had stopped caring. I needed more and more evidence from her that she cared. Your favorite person could be anyone… a relative, parent, best friend, lover, etc. My favorite person is leaving (TW: mention of self harm) Urgent: Coping Skills Needed. If there is silence and there has been some form of altercation, and I can’t logically think of a reason why they aren’t angry with me, so I’ll assume they hate me. She was so caring, telling me she thought I was so ill that I needed to go to hospital. But I couldn’t stick to it. Well it was terrible, in the beginning. If you’re practicing healthy coping methods now, you will feel so much better in a week. I had never seen anyone that worried about me and it proved to me she cared about me. She told me we couldn’t do this anymore and that the right decision for her was to step away. In all likelihood, the other person doesn’t realize you are their FP or won’t want you to know in case it freaks you out. If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page. My wife sometimes struggled with my illnesses and so I became afraid to talk to her. You grow. Put in boundaries, saying what you are comfortable talking about/helping with and what you aren’t. Feel terrible, fall apart, curse at your pillow, and cry your eyes out, but don’t do anything to your favorite person. When you are an FP, there is very little you can do that we perceive as wrong. You can’t jump from one FP to another, expecting it to be perfect. Yes. It drove me “mad,” my brain was filled with continual thoughts that she hated me and that I was a terrible friend and not worth anything. But, as much as the person who has the mental illness matters, so do you. And who wants a relationship based on trying to rebound on someone else? Nope, don’t go on their social media pages or check the pages of their other friends. | She never made me feel like I was being a burden. It’ll be something you figure out in time. And I am getting better. When you have had someone so close to you leave your life, you have to learn how to live without them. Your mind is not healthy enough to have a favorite person right now. This would be a good time to remind yourself that you are capable of doing silly things, and that it will only cause you embarrassment in the future. I could tell her anything and she was always there for me. He said a quick goodbye and was gone. My FP was my best friend Sarah (not her real name). Terms. She didn’t reply again. Two weeks went by without her texting me. You feel healthy enough to welcome a new favorite person into your life. It’s ugly. I know that right this second, it feels impossible. However, it can get annoying. You might accidentally see an update from your former FP’s life and see that they’re doing really well. If ever I tried not to, I would end up caving in a few minutes later. They will probably turn to you for approval and advice. My FP had finally left me. And also, I couldn’t bear to keep feeling that bad. Until one day I got so bad I ended up crying on Sarah at her birthday outing. Put in boundaries, saying what you are comfortable talking about/helping with and what you aren’t. Some people revel in the idea of being an FP. Terms, Like many other people with borderline personality disorder. Because of this, I decided to compile a list of things FPs need to know about what to expect. He left me no way to contact him. Become a Mighty contributor here. So, keep yourself in check. pagespeed.lazyLoadImages.overrideAttributeFunctions();if(typeof(jQuery)=="function"){(function($){$.fn.fitVids=function(){}})(jQuery)};jwplayer('jwplayer_wI4gVe9v_F962XJnx_div').setup({"playlist":"http://content.jwplatform.com/feeds/wI4gVe9v.json","ph":2}); Until one day I got so bad I ended up crying on Sarah at her birthday outing. At the time I met her, I was just realizing I had obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Let’s think about it together for a moment. It was the only option. Secondly, it proved to me the idea I believed I had to stay sick to keep people’s attention was totally wrong. If you’re spending this time stalking your former FP on Instagram, you’ll likely to be doing the same thing next week. We were like two peas in a pod, two outcasts, from the crappy middle school that we went to. Things are going to suck for a while. At the time, I didn’t realize I had BPD. I know from being an FP that I did everything I could to be there for them. So I did the thing I always defaulted to to try and make people care, and hurt myself. We would always talk about me. I needed her. She was entitled to go out and see other people and do other things, but my brain took it as evidence that she was drifting away from me and didn’t want to be my friend anymore. When your friends ask you about your former FP, let them know it’s a sore topic and you’d like to change the topic. You might be in denial. That was the last conversation we had. It takes up every cell of our being and it’s impossible to do anything else but that. It might make you feel worse. As soon as she sent that, I knew things had changed. But my BPD thrived on her attention. I will always miss Sarah. The initial shock of losing your favorite person can send you spiraling into an episode. Don’t go to places that they are known to frequent. I often have people tease me or make comments about how attached I am. I decided I hated her because she had let me down when I was sickest. She even rang my therapist to discuss how best to support me. 2. Either to hear you say, “you did the right thing,” “I’m so proud of you” or “Here’s what I think you should do…” Don’t be surprised if you are constantly getting messages or phone calls about the fact that they need your help with something that you think they should be able to decide for themselves. She was kind and caring. I’m not going to give you a magic formula or tell you a few words to make that pain go away… in all honesty, you have to allow yourself to feel the hurt that comes with being human, but not act on it. I couldn’t deal with the perceived abandonment and I didn’t know what to do to make everything better. Common with borderline personality disorder (BPD), it’s often that someone has a minimum of one FP, but a person can have many. Don’t “find yourself,” but instead, recreate yourself. 2020 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. It had been a close call, and I could have lost her. The infamous favorite person… the person that someone with borderline personality disorder filters their world view around… the source of comfort… the everything. We want to hear your story. I sent one back saying I was upset that she had taken so long to say it but that I respected her decision. I hope maybe one day she might give me another chance, but I am also prepared for the fact that day may never come. As a result, we do a lot of stuff that isn’t exactly healthy. If I texted her, she usually replied immediately. I told her about it and she was understanding. The infamous favorite person… the person that someone with borderline personality disorder filters their world view around… the source of comfort… the everything. I tried to think of a way for things to go back to how they used to be.

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